PATRICIA GARDINER – A CELEBRATION OF LOVE

Patricia Gardiner – Trish, Pat, Patty, Mumuk or just plain Mum.

HISTORY

Born 7th January 1934 to Minnie May & William James Bremmell.

Lived in Hamilton South attending the Junction Demonstration School, Newcastle Girls High with a short stint at PLC Armidale, before returning home to look after her sick father.

When she was 17 she met a dashing, curly red haired builder named Don Gardiner.

She was married at 19 and then began a love affair & devoted marriage. It was Mum’s special request to have the song you have just heard, and the lyrics printed for you to read. This was their song.

I was born when she was 20 and Brad when she was 21. They moved into their new house in Ocean View Parade, Charlestown and life was busy and happy.

In 1959 Tanya, our special little sister, was born and soon after we moved to “Barrymore” our home on the cliff at Dixon Park. The rest of our childhood was spent here, with Mum having an open house for all the children in the neighbourhood.

In 1963 my brother Grant was born and many heartbreaking months followed.

These were hard times, but Mum always tried to shield and protect her family and friends from how great the heartache was. She had a wonderful husband, children, parents, family and friends, so she wanted them to be happy and not carry her burdens.

TANYA

To know Tanya was to love her and there are many people here today who will

have a little smile and a warm memory just by mentioning her name. Mum and Dad’s devotion to this little girl was exceptional. Mum dressed her in the cutest,most fashionable clothes, and she was always sweet smelling, with her soft black curls shampooed. This special little girl was not to be hidden, she was celebrated

and adored. Mum made sure she experienced everything – swimming, riding horses and bikes, herding cattle and pursued any avenue that may help her development and, after many battles with authorities, she was allowed to attend kindergarten at the Junction School for 3 years.

Tanya’s death following a routine operation, when she was 18 devastated Mum.

Throughout Mum’s life she always had many interests and activities, apart from the business developments with Dad. After Tanya died she shifted her voluntary activities into more formal employment and in 1977 she became the Newcastle and Hunter representative for Dr Barnardos. After 10 years there she resigned and took the position of Newcastle, Hunter Valley and Central Coast Manager for Young Achievement Australia, where she worked for another 10 years. She and Dad enjoyed a couple of wonderful overseas trips, taking the national winners to America for their prize.

Meanwhile she was developing and formalizing her skills as a counsellor for Unifam. She left to work at what was then Women’s Health and Family Care as a counsellor in private practice and stayed there when the business was developed further by her wonderful doctor, Suzane Ryan, and also worked from rooms in Merewether. She continued as a counsellor until her health failed. Only a week before she went into hospital for the final time a new counselling client rang, whom I had to insist she knock back. Mum’s comment was,” but I need new clients and I like that type of counselling.” Such was her spirit. Many of her clients were with her for many years and a lot of them have made the point of identifying themselves to me and have let me know how important and what a support she has been to them. She was a very skilled counsellor. Highlights included being part of the Newcastle Earthquake De-briefing programme – with Professor Trevor Wearing – and being invited to be a member of the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors.

In 1998 she trained as a clinical thermographer and started a Thermal Imaging business. This was sold recently due to her ill health.

MARRIAGE

What a love story. Mum did not just love Dad, she celebrated her love for him, everyday, in every way. Everyone loves a love story and theirs was one of the greatest love stories. I can still recall the feeling of anticipation of Dad’s imminent return from work each day. She would shower, touch up her make-up and be ready for him to walk in. A long kiss would follow and then they would chatter and talk as dinner was organized. After dinner they would snuggle up on the lounge and watch TV, when Dad wasn’t on the phone organizing the next Day’s jobs.

Over the years there were some very hard times between Tanya and Grant and the ups and downs of business life, but there was only ever a huge love and total devotion between Don and Pat Gardiner!!

RELATIONSHIPS

It is hard to know where to start as Mum treasured and loved all her friends and family. In fact she always wanted to develop and strengthen her connections with the people she loved.

Over the last few weeks, many people made a special effort to see her. Many people have had special and intimate conversations with her about things they had shared.

She was open and willing to talk and for her it was what life was about, the connections between people and the special times shared.

Cousins

She was an only child, and really did not like this at all. However when her younger cousins were born she loved them like a big sister and they adored her. These special people, particularly Jackie, Steph, and Margy, Jan, Lyn and Trina have been wonderful friends over the whole of her life. She loved them like sisters.

Dad’s Family

When Mum married Dad she gained a wonderful new family – Neil and Verna, Val and Em and John and Norma. These couples then multiplied and she ended up with 11 nieces and nephews, who then added to the clan with another generation.

This was great!!!

She loved her sisters and brothers in law enormously and they were a very important part of her life. Since Dad died the bonds have remained just as strong  a testimony to the love they shared.

She also built a closeness and love for her nieces and nephews. Every one of them can relate stories of how she has helped them through a difficult patch or been there to help them celebrate and share special times. They have looked to her as a role model and mentor. She is a love story. She will do anything for the people she loves.

Grandchildren

Ben, then Sam, Holly, Chloe and Josie (both in December 1984), then Jackie, Eloise and Loch. When 2 granddaughters arrived in 1984 Mum and Dad celebrated by building a lake house – and decorating it in pink – pink carpet, pink sheets - even pink cutlery. There were many happy times there. Mum’s philosophy was that love never divided it only expanded. The more people in her life, the more love there was to go around. Grandchildren were one of the sweetest things in life.

Vikki and Mum

I’m not sure where to begin.

Growing up we had a happy home with Mum working towards making life great for everyone else. In many ways we were a team from when I was very young. Not many 30 year olds had a 10 year old daughter who is capable and happy to take a lot of responsibility for their special sister. She relied on me and supported me.

When I had my children there could not have been a more adoring or devoted grandmother. She was a fantastic role model offering plenty of practical advice and help, but most of all keeping everything in perspective and just celebrating the loveand joy of each child.

When I became a single parent with 4 small children, Mum and Dad stepped straight up to help. Not only did they help in a practical way by sitting through Holly’s music lessons, or watching Ben and Sam play cricket for hours while I took Chloe to netball, they were there to share and enjoy the experience.

Mum made sure we always had a celebration whether it was for a birthday, Easter,

Mothers or Fathers Day or an anniversary. Christmas at her place was legendary

as she always wanted everyone to be there. Tuesday night dinners at Charlotte Street were a highlight of my children’s week. Here they had a whole toy room, a chocolate drawer, they were listened to, spoilt and then treated to a magnificent baked dinner complete with Sam’s favourite cauliflower cheese, a beautiful table

setting complete with candles, flowers, soft music and a dessert!! She made the occasion a special one, even when it happened every week. Grandchildren are to be celebrated.

Laney coming up for a chat each evening.

Jerry and whichever children were around. How ironic that Showcase

Cinemas closed down the day before their best customer passed on!!!

with her.

Since Dad’s death Mum has battled on and over the last 2 years she has battled cancer bravely. She found it hard without Dad’s devoted love and companionship.

However she developed new interests and gained a lot of pleasure from activities like the Crocquet Club. She still felt a need to give to the community, as she had been doing in so many ways throughout her life. The Homestart programme gaveher the opportunity to be part of Jane Hunt’s family soon after the twins were born. She has also enjoyed time with John Crawford, who has been a lovely friend to her.

Ultimately she was a great romantic; she lived her life for love. She always wanted more love and stronger more meaningful relationships. Hers is a true love story and many people here today, and people overseas and far away, have felt the warmth of her love.

In her final days she only talked about the love she had experienced. She was more than a mother to me; she was also my best friend. I dedicate the next song to her.

BRAD’S Eulogy

Vikki and I thought this appropriate.

Extract from proverbs 31.

·        “She is worth far more than Rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good , not harm , all the days of her life.

·        She sets about her work vigorously , her arms are strong for her tasks.

·        She opens her arms to the poor , and extends her hands to the needy.

·        When it snows, she has no fear for the household ; for all of them are clothed in scarlett.

·        Her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

·        She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

·        She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Mum was very proud of Dad 

He built Ocean View Pde soon after they were married … it had a sunken lounge room and a raised double bed…..very modern for those days. 

In Mums eyes that strong young builder….son of Albert…could do anything ….. he set about to please her and make her happy.

What she loved about those days ??….having young toddlers , driving a Packard , walks down to the rainforest near the Creek, having a North facing backyard that held the sun all day…having rabbits  and kittens and puppies and children…. endless children…..her parents visiting… and that big new truck parked in the driveway with DG on the side. 

Dad was her all. 

She loved visiting her cousins at Karuah doing the twist with Lyn and Trina to the sounds of the latest records that Dick had bought for the girls……and she loved Dick,….. her little uncle , with his rough oyster farmer hands and his huge smile…..she’d eat his oysters sitting on the punt all day and he wouldn’t bat an eye….we’d take the launch up the river and find a sandy beach to chase soldier crabs and fish for whiting….her little fair haired boy and her long limbed daughter by her side…… we’d fall asleep on the way home dads strong arms carrying us up to bed…….life was good , they had their problems but they’d learn’t to support each other….they were in love.

Mum loved the front yard at Burnbrae….the big gum providing shade on those hot Merriwa days…….watching the kids climb over and under impossibly tall horses that were as gentle as kittens…..7 kids on at once and Don with the movie camera.

Drinking tea around the breakfast table with Barb and Pete….it looks like rain…Doc eat your chop or it’ll go to the dog…...shearers arriving tomorrow…vet coming to mark a horse this after noon…..boys footy on Saturday….Goughs Whitlams going to ruin the country!!……..mum loved the bush, it made her feel vital and gave her a sense of belonging, she told me..

They acquired farms of their own, she hated the dust but loved the people…the smell of the Wool Shed….the vitality of a Stallion, the softness of a lamb on your cheek , the crack of Reg’s bullwhip and a cup of tea at sunset…..they owned race horses, Frisians , pigs and merinos….with Don by her side they could conquer all.

She loved living at Barrymore with all the families as neighbours….the ring of the back phone  (4 rings for the Gardiners) ….something needed doing…maybe a child needing a mother….maybe Victoria or Jo wanting Vikki….maybe drinks with the girls Mary , Joan, Bev , Fay and Leta….maybe a crisis , Johns got his thong caught in the front wheel and ended up in the salt bushes…..or maybe swift Peter has rolled again ….perhaps Tony’s on his way over with the days catch…… is there enough beer in the fridge?

She loved telling me on Sundays mornings that Don and Moira had invited us out on the yacht for the day….”.look after Tanya”…”if she hits the water you hit the water at the same time” …..Dad would say “Patty , Mac knows what he’s doing”….. can yachts really go that far over?….look there’s water an inch below the cockpit….never fear Don’s here…..load up the pea nut home at dark……back phone rings… Chung Hing at 6 ..

Mum found joy in building at Scenic Drive….that yellow shagpile carpet and the blue psychedelic wall paper….for once she had a house out of the Southerly that didn’t require constant maintenance……party’s around the pianola…..BBQ’s on the deck…..and the open fire in Winter but the driveway worried her….. what with Marga and the kids… so it was off to Charlotte Street bigger and better things.

She loved the lake house…. Sundays with Vikki’s friends , the Whites, the Valentines, Monteeths ,  Murphys , Munros  ,Broads Me Fees and Edwards …..and also having Dads side over Merin , Carol, Gillian , Lucy and Prue and Michael and of course Val and John and Neil….she filled her weekends with seemingly endless friends and family.

She loved going to Hawks Nest with Stacey and I ……Mum and Dad being pumbled in the morning by cheeky Josie  Jacquie and Elly and that wicked , wicked little Lochy …..proud she was of that house…trips up to the Gibber in the back of the Landy…grand mother and her brood entangled for support in the back….ham sandwiches and sand for lunch…champagne soothing us on the front lawn that night as friends gathered around make shift tables …cousins.. Stephanie and Jan joining us to boast of the days adventure……she loved Wood Wood St and Jerry’s massive hugs, Ben and Sams good looks and Chloes and Holys studious committement.. 

So proud she was of all 8 Grandkids. 

Travel was high on the priority list and over 20 years they visited most cities worth visiting….London, Paris, New York, Tokyo , Beijing, Asia , Yugoslavia the Mediterranean………………but just as happy to come home and throw a rug down in King Edward Park and have chicken and bread rolls with Jackie , Margie and Steph…….she was happier doing the little things rather than the big, but she was there for Dad……there’s was the ultimate partnership. 

So what LEGACY is left………...her WISDOM.

Take it slowly and remember what goes round comes round, good follows bad, a storm doesn’t last forever, if it worth having its worth fighting for and nothing worth having comes easily.

Life is full of compromise and things are not always as they seem. 

Mum loved beautiful things and beautiful people on the inside….if you were a friend you stuck as a friend if you were an acquaintance you became a friend, Mums door was never locked and many a damaged soul sought refuge from life’s storms….her grace and her poise are legendary. 

And finally 

A poem.. 

“You were the light when it was dark, the rose when it was dull, the laughter when all is quiet and the rainbow after the storm.

You were the sunset after a days work, the daisy amongst the weeds, you had the beauty that stood out from all the others and the love that made others confident you loved them.”

Farewell Mum.

Thankyou

 BEN’S EULOGY

She was called Mummuk to me. I know some called her Trish & other call her Pat. But I call her Muk. That’s what I called her when I was a baby first learning to speak and it stuck.  Yes it is close to calling her Mum and that’s no mistake. She really was like a second mother to me.  

This next part is an email Chloe wrote to be read out today. 

What is it like to be Mumuk`s grand daughter? It`s like an immense, life long hug. It`s knowing what it is to be loved. It`s life about the experience of things: the adventure, excitement and beauty of everything around us. 

Tuesday was the best day of the week. I still have a soft spot for Tuesday, the traditional night to be spent with Mumuk and Diddi. She would be there a half hour early to pick us up from school, just to make sure. Her car always smelt new. For 15 years that Pulsar smelt new; there was something about her that refreshed things and made them vital.

Waking up at Muk and Did`s on a weekend was an extra special treat. I`d climb into their big comfy bed, the sunshine pouring in for that last quiet hour of sleep. She`d wrap you in her arms so tight it was a little difficult to breathe. I always had this dilemma that I could do with a little more air, but I would hate to have her loosen her grip, or worse still, let me go. In truth, this is the first time she has let me go.

Being Mumuk`s grandchildren, we always knew we were luckier than anyone else. Not a grandma, but a Mukky. Even to lay eyes on her filled me with pride -- look at my grandma, isn`t she amazing. I take great comfort in knowing that pride isn`t something a little girl can easily hide, and I`m sure she could see how she swelled my little spirit with delight. Swelled up and reached for all the beautiful things in life -- flowers and kittens, dresses and seashells. 

So this week, for the first time in my life, I don`t have a Mumuk. The one I ran to, the one I inhaled, the one who held me a little to tight, covered in oil of olay. 

They say that you can only do something really well if you do it with love.

That explains everything when it comes to Mumuk. Every braid in my hair, every party decoration, every fresh pink flower beside delicious sponge cake. What a life we have led, with hand held by Mumuk. May her memory never fade. All my love Mumuk. Always and forever.

xxx

Chloe Rayfield

Tuesday night growing up. Dinner at Muk’s house at scenic Drive. Big brown house with a view long yellow carpet. It was the 80’s! So much fun. A rumpus room with a giant snake that wraps around the wall, a stage, giant cushions. All the toys, giant furniture, movies, pool table, swimming pool, chocolate draw. Lemonade, tonic.. Bazoo the Burmese that you didn’t want to mess with. Didi’s jokes Always say aloha or that he’d spifflicate me. Whatever that means.  But what made the night s so special was Mummuk. So much love. The biggest warmest hug, fun to be with. Never stops talking. Always up to something. It was all about having a good time.  

Fast forward a bit and I’m 28 years old, living with her. Lived together for 2 years without one fight. Although she did drive me a little crazy with her organising everything so far ahead all the time. I discovered the most amazing thing. Here is Newcastle’s most popular woman. Do you know her phone doesn’t stop ringing, all social. A sea of friends coming over.  Long before she was sick. It seemed everybody loved her.  

Living with her I got to see her battle’s first hand. She missed her soul mate so much.  

What I got when I said goodbye to her I realised we where more like close friends. We’d talk about anything. So proud of her. She’s so gorgeous.   

A typical afternoon at home for us would be I’d get home from work, go up stairs say hello, how you going. Here she’d be. 72 years old, running 2 business, probably feeling pretty sick from one thing or another, been out playing croquet or helping people at home start or something. Waiting for some friends to come visit. How are you going. I’m bored. I’ve got nothing to do. Your 72, just watch TV or something. No chance. Got to be doing something.

Now I’m going to ask you to close your eyes for a moment and I’ll say a few words, just words without a sentence, and I ask you to just remember what you remember. Think of what you think of.

Children, Grandchildren, Lake House, The Cliff Beach, Out for dinner, Jewery, Berardos, Young Achievement, Volunteering, Over sea’s trips, Building/Developing, Wine, Thermography, Councillor, Makeup, Organised, Courage, Love, The country, Swimming pools, Links Motel & Kurri Spy Chocolate Draw, Mummuk.

Goodbye My Beautiful Friend.

Ben

SAM’S Eulogy

Mummuk.

The greatest tribute I can give to you, is a simple description of what it’s like to have you in my life. 

To have you is to wake up on a random day, as excited as Christmas and run into your room for breakfast in bed, with Suzie the poodle stealing the newspaper and Bayzoo the Burmese cat curled up on the bed. And never realising you’ve already been awake for an hour, patiently and lovingly and every bit as excited as we are, waiting for us to come. 

To have you is for it to actually be Christmas, and to have poked as many holes as we dare in the tin foil wrapping paper, curious, sneaky and delighted to try and figure out just what those gifts are. 

I remember when I was overseas, and you just couldn’t bare to be so far away, and you planned a whole holiday to China in the hope that we might have a few days together, or even just catch a glimpse. 

And how you would always say, “I have a favourite Grandchild, it’s whichever one I happen to be with” and you’d proceed to prove it with just the right amount of chocolate.

Looking back, I can see how so much of your life was around creating an adventure, and being around you was always one. From the adventure of building a new home, to the adventure of travelling to new countries, to the adventure of just having a dream, and even the adventure of touching people’s lives-- and to be near you is to have been included in that adventure.

I can just imagine you and Diddi, it’s 1995 and you’re eating breakfast in bed, discussing how you could help me achieve my adventures and dreams.

Dreams like sending me away to boarding school and being so nervous that I would like rowing and rugby~~ then 8 years later sitting at my graduation dinner, so proud with another dream and another adventure fulfilled.

It was just the other day I came to you, and we knew that the time was near, I’d put a lot of time into thinking of everything I wanted to say, and the only thing left to say was Thank you, and I love you. 

Then again I was there on Friday, moments before you passed, you woke up and you could see. So I leant over till you could see me and you shed one tear, in sorrow to say goodbye to all that you had loved and adored and I told you that you were going to be with Diddi soon and then you looked directly at me and became calm. 

Everything you’ve lived and everything you’ve touched has been a dream and an adventure imagined and fulfilled.

 And the greatest adventure of all, is to have had you, with all your spirit passion, adoration, beauty and love be with me, all my life. 

I’m so proud of you Mummuk, so proud to have had you as a grandma, friend and confidant.